Hello and welcome to my blog of memories. Navigation below. Links to me below. It's been a while now. I will update new pictures soon! Got tons of more epic photos I want. :3 Layout looks best in Chrome You are number: stats counter |
Hello and welcome to my blog of memories. Navigation below. Links to me below. It's been a while now. I will update new pictures soon! Got tons of more epic photos I want. :3 Layout looks best in Chrome You are number: stats counter |
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Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Eric Wang. This is your glimpse of my life; you may not like me, but no one told you to. There are many sides to me and I have a lot of opinions on things. so if you can't stand the way I look at things, I suggest you sit. I'm just a freshmen at American School in Taichung, going through life. 2011 - Taiwan/AST. Fresh Fifteen. |
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Blogs Caru Emily Noah Rika Amy Brian/isoupkid JD Ica Priscilla Bethany Michaela Tumblrs Caru Jen Steph |
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Monday, September 24, 2012
Hurting the ones I care about most seems to be my norm, the thing in life that I seem to be the best at. I want to stop but I don't try hard enough to stop it. It occurs over and over again, and more times than not, it occurs with Steph. I make her cry but I'm never there to wipe tears from her face. I'll always be there, except when she needs someone to support her most. It sucks. I don't know what more to say... |
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Monday, June 4, 2012
hi buu. do you know why jen says i'm such in a happy mood? it's to prevent me from getting sad again. pathetic, right? |
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still so selfish. still so self absorbing. still...so me. fucking mistakes, fucking tongue tied fucking nightmares, recurring nightmares nightmares that are no less real than i am. at the end of it all i know why you are so much better, why I don't deserve you. why you deserve someone better. Because you can care, you can care so much about everyone else. it's not even can. you care you care about everyone else. you are truly perfect. I am really really sorry. Sorry you had so much expectation for me. expectation for me to be different. yet i'm still the same even now it's still me. me and me. i guess. now you really know me. and i'm still so lost in myself that i don't know who you truly are. so blind. so fucking blind. so deaf, so mute. i wish i knew what to say i wish i knew how to make up to you. so you wouldn't hurt so much so you wouldn't cry, and have to make up excuses to hide your crying. you shouldn't exist in this world, i'm sorry. you should have gone to somewhere else. somewhere better. meet someone that could care about you as much you care about everyone else. |
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I cant sleep. I dont know why it hurts like this. Why must i make fucking stupid mistakes over and over I guess i really cant face the truth. Pathetic. So fucking pathetic. Im sorry.. Im so sorry. I promised myself not to hurt you this much again. So much for that promise. Broken promises. Stupid words. Stupid flaws. What am i looking for anyways? Its done and finished. I know the end of the poem. I just dont know why it hurts. Its fucking funny, how everytime i know shats wrong. But i dont change. I dont learn from my mistakes. Fuck Fuck. Fuck.. Trey in the morning. Insomia? |
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Sunday, March 18, 2012
Welcome back, myself. Do you know? I'm tired of looking at your name on the chat list. Just looking at the green dot. Staring at it. Fixating the dot with my eyes, somehow mesmerized by it. For a whole weekend now.... I don't feel like chatting with you. yet I do. Kinda... I don't know. conflicted feelings, conflicted heart. listening to Statue is so emotionally damaging. I don't even know why. Every time I hear this tune....dunno. I've just decided to go and stay offline. less of a guilt this way.... ish? I don't know really. I don't know anything. |
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Monday, February 27, 2012
hio. I'm back, for one post. Probably more in the future; whatevs. Yeah, I really feel bad for her. She's one of the most amazing girl I have ever met (so far, in my first 15 years of life), but she always seen to attract weirdos to have a crush on him. First there was this almost stalkerish junior. Then there's this senior who she doesn't even know and shares 1 single bio class. (1.5hrs per 2 days). yeah, and there there's me, who she had to (more or less) reject me twice. and then i'm still letting which is fucking retarded. and then she's treating me like this best friend and yet i still cannot move on. I've pretty much lost on all boundary of "best-friend" and "crush". Well I haven't lost it. Not to anyone else. Just to her. Unfortunately. |
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Wednesday, February 22, 2012
I started a new personal tumblr.... namelesschronicles.tumblr.com ^link there. msg me for the pw. cheers :) |
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Sunday, February 19, 2012
HELLO STRANGE VISITOR FROM THE LANDS OF THE UNKNOWN. |
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Tuesday, February 14, 2012
My sincere apologies for not blogging. lol it's not like a lot of people follow this blog anyways. Just 2..ish? As far as I know. But I digress. The world has be fine. My world anyways. My desire for a DSLR continues to grow. Been browsing for a new skin/template. But this one is very very noiceee. Due to the pictures accompanying each post. I like that. But still, something new? (I still want a freaaaaking DSLR D:) sd lol cheers. still whining about a DSLR hahahhaahahahha albert huuuuu D: < |
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Thursday, February 9, 2012
I realize, this is my 666th post. hiiooo. Happy Evil Number. Fitting, for tonight. fuming fuming. thinking about all the fucking money i will have to spend if i want the things i want. oh, hey, lets fucking list them. why not? -1 DLSR. Been wanting those ever since Caru got them. Now albert. ._. -1 light laptop - doesn't have to be too expensive/or MacBook Air 13'' -1 Alienware x51 PC when I get to the states. -And All the computer accessories required. There are some little other things, (e.g. clothes), but the more heavily costing ones are these. The bottom two I don't really need, until I near the end of my stay in Taiwan. A DSLR? I keep arguing with myself. Do I deserve to use a DSLR? Still an entry-level/ultra-beginner photographer here. Just want to learn. I dunno. oh. and gifts for people. that's it. and that's like fucking so much. goddamnit. ._. |
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Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I fell again. Or perhaps I just stumbled. Yet it's still bad. Why why why can't I just move on. I've been well. Talking out to a lot of other people, hanging out with different people. Just trying to get my mind off you. yet you beauty catches me off guard. Like the light to the moth, the heat to the cold, I am attracted by beauty. It's inevitable; we, in a way, hold the same attraction. I don't know...i don't know what i feel. If I could start from the beginning. If. If. If. // Why do we fall in love? Why? How? In nature, we fall in love to find a mate to reproduce and survive. But we humans have made it so complex. I think we are all insecure. We all want someone that we can hold on to. An anchor, locked into some secure place. We want the warmth when we're cold. We want someone to keep us company. And the forces of attraction come around. We want each other yet we do not know how to approach to each other. We all look for the same goal, more or less. We're just seeking for different...targets. |
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yeah mom, whatthefuckever. I'm sorry i'm not this hardworking, healthy, completely nerdy kid. go find yourself a perfect son. i'm obviously not fucking perfect. i like to game. do you blame me? Do you blame me, for gaming for 1.5 hours before 11:30, when I got my work done? You say there's no end to studying and reading and working and all that shit. Well, i just ended it. I've done my work. Fuck, I'm not some extra-hardworking, extra-motivated guy. Blame me? yeah, fucking do. It's not like I chose my attributes when I was first born into this world. fucking hell. |
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Monday, February 6, 2012
One of my favorite new songs - Like A Million Lights - This Love If I could start from the beginning Create the oceans and the cities Like the sky with the million lights illuminate the darkest nights If I could start from the beginning woaaah The moon rise and the sun will fall Up to the beat of our favorite songs We'd be the king and queen of this never ending dream If I could start from the beginning. |
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Thursday, February 2, 2012
So this is my a little depressing blog post i typed up on my itouch on the first day of my trip to Vietnam (CNY Break). Here it goes. Nothing too amazing yet. Eat and sleep so far. Honestly, this whole trip merely just left me feeling lonely. I miss everything and everyone. Home, where'd you go..I miss you so. Looking at that leather black Nike bag caru gave me just makes me miss her so. how she's always going to be 2 hours different from me. then 10. afterwards, who knows? it's a huge fucking world. i wish we were all together. but this world isn't a wish-granting factory. |
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Tuesday, January 31, 2012
we wish for things to happen to us. the breathtaking or just downright romantic things to happen to us. but it's not really what it is. it is more about WHO fulfills it. |
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Sunday, January 29, 2012
I am sincerely sorry for the recent lack of blog posts. I am highly motivated to do nothing at all, as it seems. God. So horrible. Getting worse everyday. Homework = Fail and Chrome decides to crash on meh. Cheers mate. 2:31. shuffle that and you get 1:23! Happy birth(time) Carolyn! sorry i got stuck in le socialist country of vietnam. (fucking cold - hanoi.) hioooo. School soon. fucked. |
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Thursday, January 19, 2012
I find myself falling, falling way back now. no.... |
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Sunday, January 15, 2012
I do not believe in "getting back together" There are exceptions, of course. but there are so many that I don't believe in. Why hang on so tight...when it has fallen apart. Why with this suffering, to maintain this stranglehold to this person you love, or used to love, so much. He/she isn't the only one you'll fall in love with. Loneliness will hurt... but in the long run it will be for the better. Love will teach one how to let go. Release that iron grip you have over love... that is no longer love you're holding on to; it's that fear of being alone that keeps you grasping. Let go... move on. Leave this love as it is. Let it go, before it turns into anything else. It's tough. But the right thing to do is never easy. |
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We all have our firsts, in many things. Our first awww stories, etc. Some come later than others. Some are more awww inspiring than others. It's one of those things in life. I don't know. We will find someone who can mean so much to us, but then times change, things fall apart, and nothing is ever going to be the same again. Rinse and repeat. The cycle continues. We find someone that takes up the entirety of our mind, our thoughts, and eventually our heart. Then times shift the tables.. you forget what to say... and we cease to try to patch something that has all but fallen apart. Or maybe we don't stop trying. We just don't know what to do. The next thing we realize, we're all alone with this hole in our hearts. Then time goes by, we try to move on. We cry, we keep missing that person that meant (and still means) so much to us. We bear the pain of that awkward silence between; the distance of what seems like a million miles. And we become strangers, again. Love is cliched. It might not be the same thing all the time. But it is the same melody. |
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Wednesday, January 11, 2012
so frustrated. about things. Little things that just seem to get into the way. Thinking too much about love. god I should just move on. such a mess. |
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Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I don't know what the hell I'm doing, All I feel is I gave up caring, for you. Yet I don't know what I'm saying, All I know is I'll just fall back, to you. |
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How do you love? No, how do you show love? Without embarrasment? i don't know. I'm still a pretty shy guy, when it comes to things. cowardish, too. i don't even know. i should go to sleep now |
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Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Four days into 2012, yet it feels like 2011. It's like my confession didn't happen at all. Only a few people no about it. i don't even know what happens next. Her 'speech' seemed like a rejection, but idk. LOL no one is sure. Nothing is certain. eh. so much for a new beginning. In this life, we are fighters In the world where they try to divide us Times running out, we don't have forever Unless we break down these walls, stand together There's no other Way (There's no other way) Yeah, so little left of break. And I am so excited about learning and so happy to be at AST. lol. no sarcasm intended...? ha. Yeah, welcome to 2012. Nothing feels different. But it is hard to tell. Still at break, still at home, still nerding. New life. The Great New Genesis? |
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Saturday, December 31, 2011
my previous post kinda leads up to this one. I mean. I literally just wrote out what I wanted to tell steph tomorrow (today) night. (Although I currently lost my phone...but I'll get that fixed asap) I sometimes wonder why I'm doing this. It choose bad times to do shit. But I digress. I know I'm going to get hurt from this. But I think I'll end up happy, either way. If she rejects, its okay. It finally means (hopefully) that I can truly let her go as a longtime crush and treat her like more of a friend/sister. Yeah. It's a long time coming. Let's Go 2012. |
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omfg another random epiphany during shower again lololololol. I get so many random thoughts at weird times. Anyways, the story goes - I felt pretty pissed before that. BOTH my mom and my sister howling at me to go shower, after a short but heated argument with my dad about going out on new years eve. And then for some reason I was fuming over love again (like I always do). But then I started thinking about shit during shower. BUT SHIT I FORGOT WHAT IT WAS LOL. fuck procrastination. hahahhaha (was on NBA.com...) OH I REMEMBER. I was going at myself, like. Why are you taking this so seriously? Why are you feeling so pissed? And things like, You know, you're going to look back at yourself and cursing at how much of a fool you are. But then I realized. It's a-okay if you look back at yourself as a fool. You don't have to live perfect and reflect on yourself perfectly. Cuz that's simply too boring. Too safe. Too...obscuring, of deeper flaws hidden behind the faux-perfection. Perhaps it is even better if you remember yourself as a fool for thinking too much/feeling too much, because it kinda means that you ACTUALLY lived and felt something strong. Don't live perfectly. Cuz then you're living skin-deep. People can be perfect on the surface, but never deep down. Live like you're supposed to live it. Don't fake your life-you only get one chance. |
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Thursday, December 29, 2011
so freakin' tired again. Last day of community service tomorrow ! goodbye purposeful days loljokes. Bball practice(s) next week. Need to get fit. Went out ballin' with some of the teachers @ the ES today. Fullcourt (4v4) did pretty well. 1v1 one extremely tall teacher another time. Did..urm. okayishly Nearly anklebroke him! hahahhaa almost. Gotta improve on my shots and layups. Plus, gotta get fit + stronger. Almost the end of the year hahaha. new hopes, old feelings. god. Do i really want to do this? Can i really get my guts together and say it one more (fucking) time? man. idk. prepare for a lot of heartache. |
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I have this plan. New years eve. It's not going to end up pretty for me. But I can still hope. I think i can finally move on after that. I should think of what i should say now. |
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From my community service at the public elementary school, there is one huge gap in English education between Taiwanese education vs American education. One huge flaw with the public school education is its teaching style. The textbook teach very basic sentences. Structured, such as "Please take off/put on your jacket/shoes/etc." Yes, they can learn, BUT. This leads to their English skills in their later years to be very structured as well. They will suffer when communicating to other foreigners, simply because their sentences are way too structured. Too predictable and simple, not to mention general as well. A conversation should be free flowing. But that's where these students suffer from. They don't entirely know individual words. They have trouble creating their own sentences, the requirements of a subject and a predicate, independent clause or a dependent clause, etc. It isn't the teacher's fault, it's just the way Taiwanese education is. Which, in my opinion, needs changing, but I'm not the one calling the shots here. |
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Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Another two days without much communication. ha, sorry. Busy with community service at school. It's quite fun..but I've become less of a worker..rather a superstar among the third graders. I swear, they were stalking me today hahaha. Well, some were. Some are still trying to figure out whether or not I actually speak Chinese. Which, in all reality, I do. But the kids don't know, and the teacher doesn't want them to know. So yeah. Playing along. But not covering it very well. hahahhaha. Oh wellz. Went to Izhong with the English teacher (Jennifer) and a Nebraskan teacher's (came this year) daughter, Mae, for the gifts tomorrow. Small new years party or something tomorrow. After that I head out towards the new mall to meet up with Caru and the others :) Haven't seen them for a while..... Have been pretty tired everyday. I keep wanting to sleep early, and I keep forgetting. 12:24. 7ish hours of sleep. Oh wellz. I'll live. Half day of classes tomorrow! Loaded morning - four 40 minute blocks, I think. Thank goodness Miss Barbara (the aforementioned Nebraskan teacher) will be there. Peace. |
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Sunday, December 25, 2011
So cold lately.... hah, winter vacation! laziness = activate. Just finished watching "Get Him To The Greek". and the movie is awesome. and generally fucked up. But its kinda enlightening too. That sneaky message hidden in between. The things people can do. |
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Saturday, December 24, 2011
I need new pictures. And I do have new pictures. I have to move my ass to go get those off Facebook and shit. resize and all that. so much shit to do. its insane. |
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I actually...went back to Facebook messages and dug up that one you sent me.........so long ago. April? May? i realize how much it still stings to read it.
it is not even pain anymore, a twisting soreness in my heart that just make me squirm. It hurts so much.
Do I dare to get broken down again like this?
but i guess I need to.
Start anew.
Get bitchslapped by reality in the face.
knock me clear of this love, hit me down on the floor.
so i can bleed and move on.
so i can finally, finally stop clinging onto you like a pathetic little boy.
Here....a little song
Can I wish you away till you find your place in this world?
It's so hard to get a feel
And all you do is wait for that one little taste
SO caught up inside to know what's real
But until you've had all you can take
Can I wish you away?
Wish You Away - There For Tomorrow |
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I feel inspired to rant. To let go of everything, let go of things that I think should be right against the things I actually feel. There is no emotion you can't deny. Here is a rant about person i love and i. disregard this in the future,i just feel like ranting about things i felt before. i wonder if you're leading me on. i don't know. i want to let go of you, search for someone else, but then there's always something that draws me back. it's probably just my fault, but sometimes, sometimes i just doubt. wait...i'm lost. i don't know what to think. i don't remember what i meant to say. yeah, it's probably my fault again. my fucking head, in circles. Sometimes its like you're just ignoring me. pushing me away. i..don't know. I need to get slapped by reality one more time. feel the sting, and make sure i've eradicated all other possibilities. end the year with a message...or some words. and start the new year solemn. I have a plan. I don't know if i possess the guts to do it again. it's...retarded to a certain degree. i...wish to just move on. one...last....try? i'm going to end up in dreadful pieces. |
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Day One - Community Service @ TPES It was a pretty fine day. Got there at around 9, but had 2 blocks (80 minutes) of free time before the first class started. Third graders came in first, and goodness, they were easy to teach ahahahha. Read a picture book to them, made them answer so random questions. The color of the dad's shirt, or the number of candles, or what is on the Christmas tree, and all that. Of course, that made me a superstar. I don't know why, they wanted my autograph. (LOL) Yuppers. The whole class in a line, waiting for my autographs. heh :D Superstardom....among little kiddos. After lunch was three classes of sixth graders. An American (Nebraskan) teacher taught the classes, albeit with the help of the original English teacher from the school. I had to job to check the students spelling, and the assistant duties - such as passing out papers, etc. Things are good. |
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Friday, December 23, 2011
it got over my head again. ugh. |
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Thursday, December 22, 2011
I should blog. but I really don't feel like it cuz i'm such a lazy jackass yeah. WINTER. FUCKING. BREAK. Finally. just found out that i scored a 78 on my geometry finals @_@ thank goodness for the grade curve that will drag my grade up to a 80ish grade. Not excellent, but acceptable. Barely acceptable. Got a pretty good grade for Bio, but I made so many fricken stupid mistakes. Could have gotten that much higher! <- lol. Okay SS multiple choice section - 4 wrong. Buu beat me, but its a-okay. He beats me in most subjects now hahahahaha. (Chinese....89.9 > 90 > A-) That was how close my grade was hahahahahahahaa. Yeah. Here is some more deeper thought on...things. Isn't it so much easier...to love the one that loves you back the same way? But at the end of the day.....you still have to chase down that star you so desire. |
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Thursday, December 15, 2011
12/15 Audio Log. Doing betterish? I don't know. We'll see how well this project goes. |
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Project Audio.
So I recently started an audio project..... Description: fail intro = fail. lol. Just testing new things out. |
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Tuesday, December 13, 2011
A little bit...confused right now. Stumbling in the dark. Like a fucktard. I have no idea why I'm feeling so dark today. We beat MCA in a 23-22 game, but it seemed meaningless. Like they were slacking on us. But I digress. Idk, my mood swings fucking me up. Of all things... I should be H A P P Y :) Carusaurus is here in Taiwan, we beat MCA, things are just going great (fuck the hw, lol.) Not perfect, but sooooo fucking close. Can't wait for winter vacation! Freaking finals. Gotta hang out with Caru and everyone cuz this is like the last fucking winter break I have in AST. Fast times are fast. Busy days are busy. |
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Friday, December 9, 2011
I don't know why, but I feel like I am in a very "creative" mood right now. Okay, and I am in class, and other ppl aren't exactly THAT efficient, so whatever. Hate meh. :) hahaha. I lost my train of thoughts there. I'm still thinking of the good day bad day thing. And something to go along with it: What if. Just what if we were fake? What if everyone and everything is merely a series of 0s and 1s, complex streams of data encoded into us? Would this fact create a difference in the way that we live? No. I think not. Even if we were fake, mere data fragments, we still feel whatever we feel. In the long run, it might not have mattered what happens to us, but it wouldn't matter to the world a million years from now anyhow. What comes together must fall apart...... Even if everything doesn't work out the way it I wanted to be in the end...it wouldn't matter. As we grow up, we will find that, under certain circumstances, the journey is more important (sentimentally) than the ending. I'm not sure if she remembers..... But I was wrong to say that it felt worthless, during that year. It wasn't worthless, it was simply my fault that I chose to ignore the others. There are things that can be worthless,but if lived correctly, life is never worthless. And a year after that, is this. Admittedly, my current dreams will probably never succeed. There won't be an ending that I so desire, not in this world. Simply because what has happened once cannot actually happen again. But would I say that this was worthless? No. I've learned things, I've felt thing that I wouldn't have felt otherwise. It's been a good year. And even though I know there won't be a happy ending. the journey itself was worth everything this world has to offer. |
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Thursday, December 8, 2011
Despite the fact that it's 10:51 and I have not yet really started on any hw yet, I'm still going to blog. Because I feel pathetic in a multitude of ways. I don't know. There are the good days, the bad, then the days where I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And it is so apparent how the day will generally go when I start off. It is like I am already weaving a path for myself to walk on. It's my frustration that is based on nothing but my own thought and emotion. As if each and every step I take upwards is upon my own constructed thoughts and emotions, but nothing solid. An abstract concreteness. Something that seems real which does not exist. And one day I'll be falling, fucked by my own thought. It's pathetic. Swallow frustration and you'll spew out anger and hatred and the words you don't really mean. Let it go and emptiness will console you... |
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Monday, December 5, 2011
On a cold December night, with numb fingers and feet.... Another Sunday night..1:47 a.m. It was worth it though, not matter how much hell the morning was. Talking to the end of the worlddddd with a friend that is worth calling a friend. This is how life should be lived. |
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Tuesday, November 29, 2011
speed post of the day. Okay. In Mr. O'Donnell class XD he's still listening to music XD i think we should sit down now. hhahaha. yeah i'm bored. lets go bai. |
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Sunday, November 27, 2011
woah, It's been another five days since I wrote on here. Sigh. my life. Hectic. hhahahaaha. I did think of something though. A reason (or an excuse) why I'm still in love with her. It's because I don't want to regret the step that I DIDN'T take. I don't want to be that guy who could've had everything, but in the end got nothing, because he wasn't brave enough to take what should have been his. I think it's because I've been that guy before. Ica. Steph, back in sixth grade. Yeah. Sometimes I should really learn. That was just a random thought in the shower... hahaha. 13/12 MORE DAYS. CARUSAURUS. |
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Tuesday, November 22, 2011
yeah sorry its been a while since i last blogged. things have been disastrously hectic. but enough of that. lets start this off with a confession. From time to time, I like to watch old videos or old yearbooks, etc. To see just how naive we were. ha. oh hey 1:48 AM. I should be sleeping. or studying. Or just something. Hm. Happy Tuesday. |
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Thursday, November 17, 2011
yeah okay, i don't know why things are getting so out of hand lately. i'm letting this tiny little insignificant things fuck me over. why? god i'm crazy haha. i feel derailed, a little bit. all i really want to do is forget you, for a night, for a week. i want to stop loving, but i can't help to clutch on this crazy little fictional thread of hope that this will somehow work in the end. Which.......ultimately (i don't think) will. it's frustrating. it really is. sometimes. i'm so pathetic like this. hmmmmmmmm. get me out of this fucking place. |
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Tuesday, November 15, 2011
shitty day was kinda shitty. Failing my Chinese class hahaha. Got a feeling that it's not the only class I'm failing. God. my mom is going to kill me when she sees my report card this year. Slacking so much more now hahahhaa. Sighhh.. I'm still very pathetic. The only thing that takes my mind off of you is basketball practices. hahahha. Focusing. But honestly. I get affected by shit I shouldn't be. I think lol wait. I just realized how many "i thinks" i have made about this (the same idea too!) shit. This whole thing is soooo pathetic hahha. Now that I think about it. But yet there is still no emotion you can't deny. I get jealous, I get frustrated, I get sad at the smallest little shits. I think i'm going to rant about them today. hahahhahahaahahaha. Fuck it. It's too pathetic. hahaha. -sigh- so fucking hot and cold. yes and then a no. like, wtf should I do? Let go? |
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Monday, November 14, 2011
i have to stop thinking about random shit that isn't even real. Shit that make my depressed, frustrated, but it all comes from my own head. I think that's what I get, for thinking so much all the time. I realize that I can't focus in class. I don't know how I'm managing to keep a high honor grade avg. I think i'm falling appart. Wow, four lines starting with "I". hahhaha Get myself back on track. hahaha. We life on front porches, and swing life away..... |
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I don't want to think of you tonight. no - just not tonight. wonder why I can't just let you go. Everytime I try to leave Somethin's tells me turn around
It's funny how keep saying 'it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter' although I think about it everyday.
It was particularly frustrating during PE. I don't know. I have too much time to think during PE. It's not good. hahahah.
that's why i have to act all crazy and shit so i won't think too much. idk. i'm childish like that.
What is felt cannot be unfelt. There is no emotion you can't deny.
I don't know why i'm ranting about bullshit right now. hahhaha.
hmmmmm.
It's a reasonably good start.
Sunny. Loved basketball practice.
Can't wait for practice tomorrow.
fuckyes. |
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4:34
Sunday, November 13, 2011
It's so early in the morning. I shut most of lights off. But it's not like it really matters. I don't think my parents will know. I should put on my contacts now --the last 30 minutes before I plan to sleeep. oooohh Caru. if this had only happened last year or something, right? hahahaha. timing is a bitch. but. oh well. I considered homework, considering that I had done none, but nevermind. It doesn't matter hahhahaa. I'll cram on my birthday. hahahahaa not really fun though...oh well. I'm wearing Ica's gift :3. Fitting, considering the fact that its my actual birthday. party? i don't know. been texting her (for no reason) every hour since 2am. I told her I will. I don't really know what I seek to accomplish from this. Oh well. But, enough of that. It's my fifteenth birthday! I think. hahahahaha. peace. I have nothing else for tonight/morning. |
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Friday, November 11, 2011
its another Friday. i dont know why im so basli mad in love again. i fucking dont know why im dramaticing these things. Simple little things that really shouldnt mean anything. just acts of friendship. i am so hopelessely helpless in somethings. |
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Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I hear the rain tapping at my window again. The overcast sky, it's been raining all day. Hate it, love it. Sad that basketball practice was canceled. But rain can be really beautiful sometimes. But I wish for sunshine tomorrow. I want to keep practicing basketball! :3 Its so beautiful. Love it. I can only hope to give half of what he's giving. |
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Sunday, November 6, 2011
I am the falling rock that is fighting gravity. |
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Saturday, November 5, 2011
I am surprising optimistic at this current moment. Surprising, how just the little things can make me just, happy. But I digress. I remember when I was just down, bitter, or frustrated about the present and the future. And always how the past seemed so much better, so much more perfect than where I was. All the things I missed and should have done, all the stupid mistakes I made. Everything. How I wish I could change it. How I wish things were different. But I realize, we relate to the past all too much. This may sound really cheesy, but be happy for those that you once loved and was close to. Even if they're gone and you're still here. Things happen in this life...what comes together must fall apart. Yes it is sad that they're gone, but you don't have to become sad because of that. I don't know how any of this makes sense, but it did for me, just a moment ago. Be happy for the things that happened. And know that they can never be anything more than perfect memories. Memories you can smile at, and not grief about. Memories are supposed to be remembered. Not to be compared like two items you want to buy, to weigh out the pros and cons. |
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Yeah it's been a while since I blogged. Five-ish days? hahhaha life has been fine - something between good and bad. From an academic standpoint, things haven't been going too well. Been procrastinating too long. I just don't feel like doing the shit, and I don't force myself to. I should. I could. But I didn't. |
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Tuesday, November 1, 2011
hahhaha AST is getting fucked. hahahaha. "This whole town's a pussy, just waiting to get fuckeed~~!" - Michael Bolton, Jack Sparrow hahahahhahaha You gotta feel sorry for Corcoran. Receiving lots of shit and the whole faculty is like missing. Pregnancy and all that shit. Andddd I thought good times were to come to AST hahaha. well, they were. and then things when boom! yay. hahah. Who knows what's gonna happen now? |
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Monday, October 31, 2011
i've changed so much hahahaha. i'm still me. just the small details have changed. i stopped caring for a lot of shit i get frustrated so easily now. i'm more of a jack ass. less patient. stupid. ignorant. hahahahahahahaha i should stop talking myself. |
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i miss the days when i couldn't stay up, even though i wanted to. i missed the endless conversations with Caru that inevitably had to end. i miss the days-- But what can I say? the past shall stay where it belongs. no matter how bleak the future looks, its for the better- |
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tired of loving the same person. yet i don't stop - sometimes i think i'm trying even harder. hahahahahhaahhaaha the bitter irony. the hypocrisy. i am like working in opposite directions. she came over to me, at Friday, when i was just listening to my itouch. i was talking to someone else - that someone else had left (temporarily? i don't remember) she came, and i kinda shied away. hahhahahah then she left. cuz i was kinda ignoring her hahahhaa. because my priority was different. such a jack ass. hahahahha -first world problems- hahahahha. 我們越來越囂張.... I feel empty. |
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mood swings = activate. hahaha get so pissed so easily these days and its not even the real mad. just a lot of frustration. i get frustrated at the most random shit ever. like, what the fuck is going on. i don't know hahahaha. so weird. |
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Friday, October 28, 2011
when u fail someone over and ober ahaim, how do you expect to have the trust you once had. empty promoses so much. remind me to slow down. times are rolling by too quickly. |
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Tuesday, October 25, 2011
did I mention that it has been 10 posts since 600? Yus. I'm 'officially' done with my 100 day challenge. phew. felt like the weight of the world just left my shoulders XD hahahahaha dramatic ftw. grow wings, and just flyyyy. up up here we go. |
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Depressing lost against the IVY JV/JVB Volleyball today. Played fucking well, but still too many mistakes on our part. I miss the original A team. we were FUCKING loud. and that was the whole point of our spirit. I don't really like to play with the 10+ graders. they're probably better, but we work well as a team as 9th graders. anyways back to the shitload of fuck i have to do. (random) Miller has a blog called The Fuck-It List. and theres that's what she said jokes. (Check September 28th, 2010(?)) hahhahahaha it cracked me up. good to know my teacher isn't just a teacher. hahahahhaha. im actually chill with him, but the work he gives sometimes is just fucking retarded. oh hey hes also a dick sometimes. lawl. |
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i am tired. but i am only tired of the crazy homework the teacher gives us. i really want to give up. Give up on all the goddamn work we have to do. |
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Monday, October 24, 2011
there are two battling parts in me now. Two different, contrasting personas, that share the same mind, the same heart. One is ignorant, hateful, reckless. Another is the all thoughtful one. The one that thinks, that understands I'm a very lucky person. The ignorant side of me is weak. it gives in too easily. the understanding part of me knows that i need to push on, to help those below. i didn't see the poor man today. i don't know where he is. i hope i can help him, to redeem myself of my own mistake. |
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don't know why i'm acting the way but i do, but i do so anyways. its fucking..just..fucking....i dont know how to describe it. I want. out. i want to lock myself, somewhere, alone, for a while. i want this world to slow down. i want..i want..i want..... ugh. |
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Sunday, October 23, 2011
i keep my cellphone and and next to me at all times now.... for the very reasons of keeping my hopes high. you cannot deny emotions you feel. and yet my emotions are artificial, created by my own mindset. I keep staring at my cellphone. hhaha i'm so hopeless. so pathetic. i should put it away haha. take it as what it is. |
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Saturday, October 22, 2011
i am feeling emotions i shouldn't be feeling. things that i am just making up in my mind. both ways. sigh. |
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Tournament Day - I am sad to inform that the A team has lost the first game to MCA, by a defeating 15 to 1 third set. Mistakes, mistakes. Jomathon completely fucked up the last one. he wasnt able to return the serves. and it wasny even their best server. Nevertheless, the game is already over. But I am happy to inform that the B team have been able to take the victory. |
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there was once upon a time where i knew what to say. not dor everything of course. but a lot of things that mattered. i am at a loss nowadays. at loss with words, my feelings, my schoolwork. so many things. always so tongue tied. coming up with bullshit responses that are so cliched and bland |
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sucks without the internet hahha cant upload to blogspot directly... or go on fb and crap... oh btw caru, i did see 11:11 tonight~~ didnt get to spam you. anyways, at Stephens right now... night before the tourny.. like the good old days hahha life can be so beautiful sometimes.. perhaps not a graceful beauty, but one thats crazy and fun... the moments where we felt infinite... cccccrrraazzzyyyy day today... half-day! helped enny wif some community service stuff. earned some hour(s) too. XD but not all was fun... someone is making the same mistake that i made before. i don know what to say to him.... or her, for the matter. it is very difficult and sad to watch. never - not even a fucking single time - do you take your close criends for granted. i dont know what else to say.... i can only try to make her feel better. im a coward at confrontations. should i just tell him? directly, how she is feeling? or make her discover it himself, by leading him on to it? decisions, decisions...that i might not ever make. just running away. |
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6.00
SIX HUNDRED POSTS :D well, a lil bit over, cuz I had 'blogged' before and during the tourney could't post on iTouch cuz I didn't have wifi. but it'll be released. |
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midnight/
Thursday, October 20, 2011
My uncle called again, at 11:32 p.m., drunk, desperately drunk.
It breaks my heart, to see someone, esp. a relative, to be so broken.
So broken, so dead, talking to no one worth talking to, but the bottle in his hands, and the tellophone in his other, screaming into it to me.
I am sympathetic for him…
My father told me once, he’s too lonely.
His wife isn’t around him, his son is a city away, living his own life. Every night, when he gets desperately drunk, he calls. At the middle of the night. And goes on, hours and hours. My dad can’t don anything about it. He’s his older brother, and he owes him so much, from the past, from growing up with a family with no mother.
And I feel so stupid, doing homework now, after all the procrastination and all the work, while I should be out there HELPING someone.
Again…earlier this afternoon. Should’ve fucking reached out, should’ve fucking helped the poor crippled man.
Those above..should help those below.
Mistakes, selfishness. The hubris of man. |
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mistakes mistakes. nervousness without need. what the fuck. Couldn't give a crippled man his dinner tonight..yet i passed why? why the fuck would i do that. goddamnit. urgh. fuck this. should be doing something to make a change, and not like those who always stay the same,always say the same things. time to take a fucking step. |
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Wednesday, October 19, 2011
sexy violin intro here |
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Tuesday, October 18, 2011
If you're into rock, check out Sixx AM. They are fucking amazing. I'm surprised I didn't find them earlier. But now, wallah. Their lyrics are so meaningful -- Tomorrow, you'll have to cross bridges you burned today. Tomorrow, everything you do is coming back for you You can't outrun what waits for you Tomorrow. -Tomorrow, Sixx AM |
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-Magically typing on the desk- LOL. I was literally typing out a whole blogpost during Agren today hahahha It was just things that pop into my mind. hahha but it didn't register on the computer. too bad. I don't really remember what I was writing about anyways. Strange. you are starting to distract me a lot again. i really don't want to be distracted by you (or by anything else) but i'm having a difficult time concentrating. |
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1112 Page Views?
Monday, October 17, 2011
hhahaaaha its just halting there. I don't know if I'll see 1113 pageviews. hahah. That'll be cool . October is slowly drifting awayyyy.... So...Kiki's Scorpio. That was the W.T.F moment of the day. He just doesn't even seem like a Scorpio. hahahhaa. bio test.. It was acceptable. Hsu still clusterfucking us with too much info. Had to BS part of short answer T_T. Questions are very confusing. 1st JV/JVB Vball pre-season friendly game @ ICA. WE WON. We messed up the first set, but we managed to take it back @ Set 2 and Set 3. Didn't even practice, as a team. |
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3:42
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Three in the morning again ahhaha watching the MLG Orlando livestream. for no reason. It's actually quite interesting to see real pros play. Its strange and may sound silly, but I want to get better at gaming. Then again, I want to get better at everything. Haahaha. But still, its up there, on the top things I want to improve. I don't know why, but I just do. judge meh, wtv. :P |
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Okay fine.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Okay fine i'm blogging. BUT I'M NOT DOING 100~200+ DAY CHALLENGES AGAIN. they suck. honestly. |
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Tuesday, October 11, 2011
i was going to blog but i forgot oh wait. i remember. here we go: i barely recognize myself when i talk to you. there's so much change in me, that i don't even know whats going on. i think i'm really suffering through a lot of mental retardation over the year. Blops, Brian leaving, lots of things. I really have no hope for a future anymore. hahahhaha. all i do is laugh. |
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Surprisingly I feel (kinda) like blogging! Although I'm tired like crap and I really don't know what hw I should do hahaha. Its like normal for me to sleep late nowadays. Ah, the good, old, healthy days. Lets runaway for the day, lets runaway... Don't cheat caru. I have to fill this space up with words. hahahhaa la la la la la angel with a shotgun (lessthanthree) They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for~~~ le cab. HEY WHITE POST FTW. oh god i know where this is going. RANDOMLANDDDDDDDDDD. great. HAHAHAHHAHHA hey, caru, you do realize that crtl c + v is like kinda disabled on my blog? :P okay, to put your superpowers to the test. HA to make this interesting...shall I put some secrets on here? HMMMMM HMMMM HMMMMMMMMMMMM okay fine, lets do this, i'm not sure what secrets i have left that i wont' post eventually anyways. hmmmm solets get started. i'm very very fucking insecure. like everything i do, i have to like indirectly ask for approval. i get affected by ppl i dont' give a shit about, and shit happens. i get really mad for no reason other than because i'm a fucktard. woohooo there you go. i have other secrets, but yeah. wutever. |
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a random memory at the bbq - walking up onto the PE court, and I met her, singing the same song. -flashes grin- LOL. oh god, this is so random. |
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10/10
Monday, October 10, 2011
and i don't feel like posting. or doing my hw. peace. http://nctokn.tumblr.com/post/11220958794/lolololol
you hating?
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Oh.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
I failed the 100day challenge. YUS YUS YUS (hahahahhaha)
but technically, i'm still ahead of schedule, cuz I did sever multiposts for a few days. so oh well. LOL
fail. hahahaha
too much xboxing....oh well. it was fun
First time I saw so many noobs in one lobby. LOL. |
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Hard. (that'swhatshesaid)
Friday, October 7, 2011
In all seriousness, though, loving someone again and again is a very difficult thing to do....
And with my emotions going up and down, it has become even more erratic, more than ever.
I really hope a girl (that I can accept) takes my heart away for once. It didn't happen, for over a year now. Maybe even close to two? I don't know. hahahahaa
Where can I go with this?
Today, was a bright day - so happy :) hahaha.
It's a bad idea to be doing this, but my heart refuses to let my head act. If I could control more in my life...even my heart's desire cannot be put down.
I wonder if she knows.
I wonder what I'm going to do......
Ha.
Had the longest 3:40 hrs of skype conversation ahaha. Admittedly, it started to lag off at the end, but oh well hahaha. still a really long conversation.
someone to talk to, endlessly. |
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Long Weekend
Thursday, October 6, 2011
LONG WEEKEND AGAIN. I'm so happy
suddenly in love with a lot of RnB songs (BRUNO MARS!) Zomg, there are so many songs he didn't release on his album hahaha. Meh
nothing to blog about, too tired, got a shitload of hw to do. hahahahahaha
procrastination againnnnn |
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Degeneration
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Deterioration. Slowly, walking backwards cuz I don't give a flying damn haha.
I actually still kinda do. I guess? I just don't try hard enough...or care to.
Contradicting, annoying, all the bad things. |
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Tuesday, October 4, 2011
My blog is still lagging like crap. great. i might have to delete that post...maybe just put links? |
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5 Extra Songs
Im trying to cut that post in half (iTunes songs), cuz it was lagging my whole blog. hope this works. -Levitate, Hollywood Undead You know, I can take you straight to heaven if you let me... You know I, I can make your body levitate if you let me... You know that I can make your body levitate... le-levitate... I can make your body levitate... le-levitate! (you know...) Here Hollywood Undead! Up-beat, energetic song, that I really really love. Maybe because its about "levitating" haha. Hm. Photoshop project...shit. XD hahaa. -Make It Stop (September's Children), Rise Against Make it stop, Let this end. This life chose me, I'm not lost in sin. But proud I stand of who I am, I plan to go on living. Make it stop, let this end, all these years pushed to the ledge, but proud I stand, of who I am, I plan to go on living This mv made left me in little streams of tears the first time I ever watched it. It's sad, how the "different" is treated so poorly. -Drive It Like You Stole It, The Glitch Mob Here DUBSTEP! Although not one Albert really likes, I love this song. It's Fighting Gravity's main soundtrack, and an amazing song (along with Animus Vox) -Sleepless Nights (Never Let Her Go), Faber Drive If I had my way I'd corner him and say Put yourself in her position All she needs is recognition Love's not enough when you say it Don't you know you've gotta mean it Screwing up the best thing ever Is something you'll regret forever Faber Drive. One of the most important bands in my current life. This is a sad song, but really well written. Beautiful and graceful. -Tongue Tied, Faber Drive I stare up at the stars I wonder just where you are You feel a million miles away (I wonder just where you are) Was it something I said? Or something I never did? Or was I always in the way? Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay? Of all of the songs in this list, Tongue Tied meant the most to me. It was the very song I danced to with her during the End of the Year Party, before that confession. Thanks to Albert, who found Second Chance and Summer Fades to Fall (other awesome Faber Drive songs) that led to the discovery of this one. Most played song, ever. |
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Yup I have no idea what's wrong with me. And this post doesn't have a title. yay! Lol, i should really give up procrastination. hahahahahaha. that sounds easy. at least i should like start actually focusing on my hw, instead of other stupid things. (like blops and shit) But I think c-walk is worth it. even though I'm still a noob at it. yeah. peace HW...12:27 For all the sake of being a copycat and having really nothing to blog about, I'm going to do caru's most recent post (as of this date), perhaps at the end of the year (2011) and the end of the school year (freshmen year) Split in two halves? I think I'm going to include more people than I intend to. I tend to do that in real life. just to be fair. But i seem to be doing that less and less now. eh. |
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The Perfect Day / Ten Songs in my iTunes
Monday, October 3, 2011
My perfect day? Perfect...what kind of perfect...hmmmm~ I'll just make it up as I go, i guess. A perfect day is when I go out onto something new, with people I like. Somewhere in this vast world, to go to somewhere I've never been, something I've never done. To laugh without a bitter edge to it. To feel happiness. That is my definition of perfection. There's other perfects too. I'm just sharing this one. :3 Top I had to extend it to fifteen. I just had to. No real #1, but just the fifteen best currently - - Bad, The Cab (stuck on whether or not I should use the mv of the song :P Decided not to) It feels just like it was yesterday We were in love, why's it falling apart I've never been one to walk away But I've had enough and it's breaking my heart Cause you love me just the way that you should It's nothing that you do, no it's nothing you say Yeah baby, I know that you're good But I don't want a good girl no, not today Here Ever since the album Symphony Soldier came out last month, I've been adoring it. The Cab is one of the amazing bands I stumbled upon a bit too late. Fueled by Ramen ftw! - Endlessly, The Cab There's a shop down the street, where they sell plastic rings, for a quarter a piece, I swear it. Yeah, I know that it's cheap, not like gold in your dreams, but I hope that you'll still wear it. Here Unlike 'Bad', this is a much more romantic song. It captivated me too, the first time I listened to it. Beauty beyond itself. - Vegas Skies, The Cab The way that I feel the way that I’ll remember it I’ll take this down until the glass remains Swallow the words that I was meant to say It’s a long drive back to Vegas skies So I don’t, I make one more wrong turn tonight so Here From their debut album, Whisper War, it didn't catch my attention until nearly weeks later. I think I just felt in the mood to be listening to something like this. Still, a beautiful song, like many of The Cab's music. - Another Me, The Cab Remember when I sang that song to you And you called it out of tune Remember when I said I loved you And you said it wasn't true Remember we used to talk for hours Staying up all through the night Remember when I bought you flowers And you left them out to die Here Sorry for the continuous the Cab, but honestly its one of the top artists in my iTunes right now. Absolutely loving Symphony Soldier. This song wasn't as sweet as Endlessly, but it still adore it. A little bit bitter, but still amazing. - About A Girl, The Academy Is... Last night I knew what to say But you weren't there to hear it These lines so well rehearsed Tongue tied and overloaded You'll never notice I'm not in love This is not my heart I'm not gonna waste these words About a girl. I'm not in love This is not your song I'm not gonna waste these words About a girl. Here Finally, something NOT from the Cab! (Still from Fueld by Ramen though). Beautiful song too :3 -The Phrase That Pays, The Academy Is... My eyes can't believe what they have seen. In the corner of your room you've stockpiled millions of my memories. Oh Doctor, Doctor, I must have gotten this sick somehow. I'm going to ask you a series of questions, And I want them answered on the spot, right now. Is it serious? I'm afraid it is. Am I gonna die? Well son, death is gonna catch up to all one day, But yours is coming quicker than ours, than ours. Here The Academy Is... again! I love this band too, admittedly not as much as The Cab. But it's an interesting song. Absolutely love the beginning lines. -Peaches, New Heights You say good morning and good evening The day is done and you've come to find The words are fleeting I hear your quiet breathing Is something wrong? Here Ever since Love Language from Jubilee Projects, I loved the song. And to think, an official music video! :3 -For The First Time, The Script But we're gonna start by Drinking old cheap bottles of wine, Sit talking up all night, Saying things we haven't for a while A while ya We're smiling but we're close tears, Even after all these years, We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time Here From We Cry to know, I've always taken a liking to several of the Script's songs. For The First Time kinda reminds me of Endlessly. A little bit. Poor, struggling love, but true love. -Pick Up The Pieces, Jason Derulo My shattered heart is on the ground I gotta see your face right now Just tell me where And you'll find me waiting there yeah Here I can kinda relate to this song. Only remotely though. But good enough to be addicted to this song. From Jason Derulo's new album, Future History. -Certain, Set Your Goals Don’t know what you’re really scared of I can tell The circles that you’re running in your mind All well remove me from your sights or scare your heart to feeling mine Here Punk Rock! I first heard this song via Epitaph Record's channel, and was kinda hooked to it. It's a song that's kind catchy for me. Love it. PHew. That took a long time. 1:36 a.m.! Sunday Night. Peace. |
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4:11
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Yeah, I managed to be up until four, reading my eyes out. Had to force myself to stop and go to sleep. I am so full of disappointment. Its almost exactly 12 hours since I went to sleep. Hmmmm...no inspiration to blog, other than the fact that I'm still procrastinating. |
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There is so much for me to miss. Things are so different, I'm so different now. 3:33. I could only dream to have stayed up this late before. But now....it doesn't seem really unrealistic. Haha. Third time this year, I've been staying till this late.
Staying late.............
I do realize something about second chances. We all deserve - and probably have - these things. But we fuck it up, nevertheless. Second chances aren't for you to relive a past period of your life. It is to extend. Although I'm unsure of in other peoples' cases, I, often times than not, set the past as the base for the present. That's why all my tries fail. Because second chances are for me to start over, not to relive something that has already been long gone.
Sometimes, even second chances are destined to fail. There are just things, perhaps subtle, that unhinge the situation. Somethings are just not to be started over.
I hope these things can be started over.
I realize, I'm still in love with her. Heart stolen, until someone can steal it away. My heart chases the girl, while my head gets dragged behind.
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I am literally wondering why I'm still. Awake. It's 3:11 now. I don't know why...but the time :11 has always had some attraction to me. 11:11, perhaps? I don't know. Reading a book, a very sad love story. I can't stop. But I should. I should have, more than 2 hours ago. I'm so tired, I don't know why I'm pushing myself awake, reading this sad, sad story. Hm. This night is messing with my emotions again. I should really stop doing this. I think I know what I might do tonight. Read myself to sleep. Yeah. It's fucked up. I might end up pulling an all-nighter tonight. I'm going to suffer from insomnia, for sure. Like my dad. Anyways. Good night - kinda sorta - world. October 2nd, 2011. Almost too quickly. |
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I should seriously sleep earlier these days. No reason why I should be up. Barely started on my hw too. actually, I can say that I didn't start on my hw. fuckballs hahaa. tired, but don't want to sleep. I don't know.... Can we forget the past I miss you I mean it And if love is made of glass Can we pick up the pieces
- Picking Up The Pieces, Jason Derulo.
hm.
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Saturday, October 1, 2011
So I said I had something to say last night, but I didnt' cuz I was a lazy bastard. Here it is: Friday, during the soccer game, Roger cramped and had to sit out for a while. It was obviously very painful, but all he said was" I want to play I want to play" It really touched me, to see how much dedication and heart he puts into the sports. To be held in the highest regard. God it seems so lame to talk about it now. Nevertheless. #respect. |
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Friday, September 30, 2011
Had something to say, but fuck it. lawl laziness |
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Title?
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Bright
sparks leapt in the dim twilight, dancing to our symphony of heartbeats. The
sun, just below the horizon, vanished from our world. But we didn’t need the
sun that night; we just needed each other. Tonight, it wasn’t the last time the
sun would ever rise; but it was a last for many other things. I watched as the
sparks flew across the sky, leaping forward before it devoured itself. Our
heartbeats drummed on; we were excited for what the world had in store for us,
on this final night.
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Go Back To Sleep.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Don't fret precious I'm here, step away from the window Go back to sleep Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils, See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do. Count the bodies like sheep Count the bodies like sheep Counting bodies like sheep To the rhythm of the war drums Count the bodies like sheep Go back to sleep Go back to sleep Counting bodies like sheep To the rhythm of the war drums Go back to sleep Go back to sleep Counting bodies like sheep To the rhythm of the war drums Go back to sleep Go back to sleep Counting bodies like sheep Go back to sleep Go to sleep [x14] Go back to sleep Go back to sleep Go back to sleep Counting bodies like sheep Go back to sleep Go back to sleep Counting bodies like sheep Go back to sleep Go back to sleep Counting bodies like sheep To the rhythm of the war drums Go back to sleep Go back to sleep Counting bodies like sheep To the rhythm of the war drums Go back to sleep Go back to sleep Counting bodies like sheep To the rhythm of the war drums [x2] I’ll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son They're one in the same, I must isolate you… Isolate and save you from yourself … |
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Done
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I am absolutely finished tonight. So tired, sore legs, sore head. Tired. First victory for both vball teams! Could do better though. 25-5 A Team game omfg. #domination hahahahaa. improve; peace. (Sorry caru no long post tonight, so much hw to do) |
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Monday, September 26, 2011
This has to seriously stop. My crazed addiction to gaming, my intense procrastination. I can't go on like this, in shame. Yet...I don't try hard enough... I lost a lot of heart in working. It's like I'm walking backwards now. I don't know. A little be disheartened; depressed. Sad of my stupid mistakes, stupid actions. How much time I'm wasting away... I just...have to give the effort I have trouble giving. I'm not who I used to be - but it doesn't mean I can't become better. I have to remember. I have to try harder. |
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3:33
Sunday, September 25, 2011
I feel rushed. So many things to do, yet so less time. I don't know how long I can stand this. It's too much for a long period of time. I want things to slow down, slower, so I have time. |
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Everything
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Short post tonight. Hard to balance things. Tired. Exhausting week next week. Bio test again. Great. I don't know how long I can stand this for. |
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過去
Friday, September 23, 2011
又開始懷念過去了... but the past has gone past..... I don't know what I'm doing these days. Still doing it all the same. I get irritated so easily. Hostile. Alien. |
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Ultimate Respect
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Ultimate respect for Jayven. Broke his leg during a soccer game. #Hustle #intense #ultimate It's never a good thing to be hurt, but its respectable to sacrifice for the team. Blood sweat pain tears. |
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Wednesday, September 21, 2011
I had something to write about. But i took a nap. then I forgot. although I have another topic, I'm going to save it for another day. 9:31 again. :O too fast. (that'swhatshesaid) but, seriously. Last I checked was 8:50. |
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derp.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Derp. It's 8:49 and my head is groggy and I'm going what the fuck? wtf. Goddamnit. pft.....gotta wake up..... another Tuesday....Wednesday tomorrow! |
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Passion
Monday, September 19, 2011
Over time, our passion for somethings begin to change. We could love something so much at the beginning, that we're completely obsessed with it...but over time, after loving it for so long, feelings begin to change. It applies for everything - love, blogging, basketball, dancing. We get tired of things, sick of those that we once loved so much. It's almost inevitable. At one point of our lives, we just need to get away. Away from everything, away from the world, to somewhere only we belong. Somewhere where its just myself and my shadow, staring intently into each others minds. Silence....is golden. |
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Sunday, September 18, 2011
I care. Or at least, I try to care. |
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Fail = =
Saturday, September 17, 2011
OH hey i didn't publish my post last night... shhhhh.......don't telll. i wrote it. blogspot just fucked up lol pushing teh blame XDXD cheeers. lawl. another day of procrastination. |
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560
Nothing special today... 52nd Week of Fails of the Weak! WOOHOOO ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY The last one absolutely cracked me up HAHAHAH |
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Fifteenth/
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Already more than a month of school, and I'm dreading each and every step. Well. perhaps not my steps forward...my recurring mistakes, more like. The procrastination. The fucked-up studying. The tests I refused to study. All that. It's already piling up. another week...and it's Friday. |
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Wednesday
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Another half a week gone. How quickly. Seems like I've always have too less time. It's sad. D: lol. don't feel like blogging today. i actually created a small picture for my tumblr today. simple quote. ha. lol. yeah, i wonder how i'm gonna balance tumblr and blogspot. |
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Late
To do and live off of what you love is so fortunate. And that's when you can perform to your limit. But sometimes we're not good at what we love to do. It's sad...and kinda pathetic. We should all be able to do what we should do. Alas, this world isn't ideal. |
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Uncaring
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I think me fucking up on tests is not that I don't have the capability to, but I just don't care. Which makes it even worse than those who can't because they are limited in their own ways. But, as mentioned above: I don't fucking care. I really don't know when I stopped caring. I think I stopped before I even started. Ha. I guess, it's just this point in life, where you just seriously don't give a shit about anything. Well, I guess "not giving a shit" is a bit overkill. I try to do my work...I try, but I just don't try as hard. And I really think I'm suffering through mental retardation. Stupider and stupider everyday. But I digress. Perhaps, no, not perhaps. Some day in the near future, I'll see the importance of all this, and actually start caring. I did before. But I gradually ceased to do it...starting from eighth grade. Yeah. I guess I started eighth grade. It's kinda weird. not really caring, but still I stay up doing my homework, studying... Halfway. In Between. like i usually am. how typical of me. |
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Blogger Mobile
Monday, September 12, 2011
woooooaaahhh! blogspot app for itouch/iphone haha. First postlolll sofreakingrandom Though I probably wont be using this much, due to my nooby typing skills on my touch... cheers~ another week of school... |
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Drunk Uncles Rampage
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Happy Moon Festival! Yeah, just got back home from 土庫, where my uncles were busy getting drunk. Oh, my dad too. I actually had half a cup of beer myself. mehhhhhh :P peace. |
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Saturday, September 10, 2011
"I wish I could stop being in love with Sam. I really do." - Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower |
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Nothing
Yeah, nothing. Nothing. I don't know what I should blog about. Been brain-dead all weekend long...xbox..xbox...more xbox. = = pointlessly living....but not trying really hard to find a goal to follow. haaha. ironic eh? |
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Carrying Capacity
Friday, September 9, 2011
Another Friday night, after biology class. A whole 3hours of mindfuck. hahaha. Before the Industrial Revolution, Earth's carrying capacity was around a million. By the 2000s, it expanded to seven million. I think the world's over flown with people. Yes, we are living, but the Earthy is slowly dying. Slowly, but yet still faster than it should. But there's no way to stop this..unless catastrophe occurs. Then again, we're all living a dead life. It's our destiny to make it as close to living as we possibly can, while we have the time to. |
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Long Weekend
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Yes! LONG WEEKENDDDD I screamed it out loud after school. It was a amazing feeling hahahaha. :D lolololololol yeah idk what to blog about heh. :) happyish. not a good vball practice though. |
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The Good Left Untouched
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I'm so tired again. Bad start today. Sighhh... Tomorrows the last day of school this week! so fast. but today's hell. It's frustrating, how I just can't seem to focus on my work. damnit. I don't even know what to blog about. my life is still ambling on, but no inspiration what-so-ever. too tired to think of anything hahaha. Well... for a better tomorrow, i guess. |
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Sleep
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Messed up sleeping schedule last night. Too much procrastination over the weekend haha... Now i take a lot of naps before or after dinner. So tired and stuff. Wipe the sleep off my face and try to focus on my homework. Trying. -sigh-. |
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Retardation
Monday, September 5, 2011
Stupid school. Stupid classes. Stupid me. Absolutely hate having class for 2 hours @ 7. It' sofuckingretarded. sigh. Just four days.. but i'm going to die tonight. or tomorrow morning. either way.... |
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脆弱
Sunday, September 4, 2011
一天又一天得向前走過,我卻感覺我倒退的走著.... 不知為甚麼...我最近心永遠是重重的,眼眶常常是紅紅的。 一直有想哭的衝動... 感覺我又回到了8年前的我...膽小,脆弱,愛哭的六歲小男孩。 我看了無數的動人短片,在三天的時間讀了三本讓我心痛的書,每一個都害我眼睛開始發紅。 不知道為甚麼我要這樣對我自己。。。 // 一點五十七分... 時間越過越快,像滾像山坡的大石子,一直加快速度滾。 Too quickly, does time past. All the nights I've been staying up..wondering what happened to all the time I spent....does it really run this swiftly? 我,好累。 |
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....
Saturday, September 3, 2011
It pisses the shit out of me, when i see someone who's in a relationship look at some other girl a lil bit sexually. Although I was probably more pissed cuz it's that particular person the sick bastard is staring at... So here's the story: I was sitting at the table next to that starer's table. So then the girl fake-stomps towards her friend, being mock angry. And I swear that guy just stared with his jaws half-dropped and doing a silent wolf whistle. He didn't even notice me coldly staring at him = = Okay there you go. God it just pisses me off when someone does it like that to people I care. Although i'm guilty of the same crime once in a while. What can you say? fucked up. |
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English Class
Friday, September 2, 2011
Finally got the password for the AST wireless hahaha. Now I'm just using the internet to surf the web and stuff haha. So concentrated on work and stuff Yup this is going to be very random...very very very random. Shoes..... I have no idea how to start my creative writing piece.... Talking casually to the teacher...while I'm blogging ha. 又是禮拜五了....好快.... Another week has gone by...aimlessly. Dunno what to write on here. No inspiration what-so-ever.... So I guess I'll just recollect about random stuff. Watching Skylands Ep. 24 now! hahaha. Everyone be wtfin'~ I just hope the principal doesn't waltz in right now... |
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不知道
只想要回到過去...但又不能往回走
不知道我們倆之間發生了什麼事情...
我們那麼快就變了嗎?
感覺我倆的談話變得清清淡淡的....是沒有話好談了?
真的不知道我在幹嘛....
每天一直拖著功課
每天一直熬夜....
大家都變得越來越認真
我卻逆向行駛
每天來越混.....
#nostalgia
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A New Month
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Spent the last two hours reading, instead of doing my homework. hahaha. The Perks of Being a Wallflower Amazing book, even though its like 12 years old. Very very intriguing.... There's so much I want to say about it, but it's overloading my brain. I seriously need to upgrade my brain. Damn there's seriously so much I want to write about...but its just a confusing blob in my head. But, I should get started with homework. Peace. Another week has gone by....still walking around blindly, without a clear objective |
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Sleepinesssss
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Yeah, I still don't know what to blog about. Haha, the microstory I spent my night doing got pretty bad critism..but fuck it, I like what I wrote (自戀) So here it is: You know, we all have stories to tell. We don’t have to be someone famous, or someone who committed the greatest sin or a savior who redeemed mankind. No. We don’t need a myriad of miracles to happen in our lives. But how come the stories we write about ourselves, never seem to be able to compete with the autobiographies of more famous people of the past? You know, our stories can just be as exciting and exhilarating as the person who trekked across the Sahara Desert, or the person who stepped on Mars first. Our stories don’t always need wild adventure, surreal settings. It doesn’t have to be a tall tale, filled with boasting lies and fake events, exaggerated traits. No, it doesn’t have to include any of that. You know, all you have to mix in your story is your heart, your emotions, at its purest. Our tales and stories all have something different to tell, even if it’s about the same occurrence. Our eyes, our shoes, will never be the same, will never fit the other people, because this is who we are. You just simply make the story you tell special, in its own way, where no one can imitate. All you have to do, it’s make it like yourself; a little bit of everything that which you are. You know, the words you put down on this piece of paper are everything that you are. Your dreams, your nightmares; your hopes and your fears. It is modeled off no one. You are the template of this masterpiece. |
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Dunno Why
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I don't even know why I'm like blogging everyday. It's not like I'm blogging about something meaningful, with everything rushing by so quickly. It's annoying. So less time to do stuff...or perhaps its that I'm distracted. I dunno lol. Seems like time is rolling by so quickly now... It's like I'm doing everyday. meh. Yup. Meh. ^says it all. |
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SHORT AGAIN
Monday, August 29, 2011
EPICALLY SHORT (AND ALL CAPPED) POST AGAINNNNNN RUSH RUSH RUSHHHHHH hope I can blops again XD SO RUSH RUSH RUSH YEAH PEACE OUT. |
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HOLY CRAP
Sunday, August 28, 2011
NEARLY FORGOT TO BLOG 3 MIN TILL 12 LOLOLOL okay ima do this fast so yeah NO FUCKING SCHOOL TOMORROW YAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYA procrastination ftw. ofmg 2 more min. ok ima post |
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Memories
Saturday, August 27, 2011
After watching "那些年,我們一起追的女孩" I started to think about the past again. Not just about love in the past. Just the past in general. Reminiscing on random events that happened at different times, different locations. Yeah I don't really know what I'm blogging about..I'm just blogging about random crap. i was actually going to do my microstory on here....but meh. Couldn't get a start out of it. oh welllll. |
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那些年,我們一起追的女孩
Watched that popular Taiwanese film today...It was...very interesting, to say the least. Actually inspired me to write a microstory about it actually hahahha. Although it has nothing to do with love, the main theme of the story/novel. Very very heartwarming/kinda heart breaking too. God I really can't stand sad endings...:\ although I really like them, becuz it shows that it isn't fantasy or a fairytale; it's real. Yeah. At JL's house, cuz my mom is @ her music teacher's marriage ceremony or something like that. So yeah...first kinda long blog post. hahaha. Exhausted. Damn I have to do all my homework tomorrow. Yeah. So random. I might blog again..since I have really nothing to do..... Goddamn it mom, I want to go home and Xbox. I have no life. Yea. I know. It's sad, isn't it? |
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FAST FRIDAY
Friday, August 26, 2011
IT'S FRIDAY AGAIN! LOLKAY BAI A WHOLE FUCKED UP WEEK GONE OKAYBAIIIII epic fast post so lazy kinda wanna give up that challenge nao D: |
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TGIF Again
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Damn extra short post today might blog more cuz of my CRW journal crap. SHITSHITSHIT its 9:12. i just missed 11:11. oh welll. I was actually gonna say SHIT IT'S ALREADY 9. so many hw to do fuckballs. goddamnit. |
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Procrastination Week
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
It's like procrastination week alllll weeek long lol. no wonder i'm so damn tired. cuz i'm staying up at like 2 = = aaha. role-fucking-model. cheers extra short post today again lololol. |
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One Day
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
One day, I know I'm going to fall apart. like just suddenly break apart, from all the stress, the work, the problems, the procrastination...everything. i already feel the frustration in my voice, my head. God I need to sleep more. But I always keep procrastinating. Goddamnit.... so...how many more days? |
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Do You Know?
Monday, August 22, 2011
Do you know what hits me the most? What affects me the most? Music, and their videos. I was watching Rise Against's Make It Stop (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XP4clbHc4Xg) I cried. "The simple hell people give to others without even thinking about it." I couldn't help but to weep. It makes me recollect what kind of life I live. How much complaints we have...though we should have none. It makes me feel like a fucking bitch, for having so many complaints. If I ever come by this types of situation...I swear I will not join in. Standing up for the weak or different is difficult...I'm not entirely sure if I can do that yet......... Grow some motherfucking balls. |
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Epicly Short Post Weekend
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Yup. short post again. #epicprocrastination. so epic that it isn't really funny anymore. sigh. fuck. yup. pathetic. i'm going to die in highschool later onn... |
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Saturday, Gone And Past
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Again, nothing to really blog about today.... 'cept the obvious bitterness and impatience that has surfaced with some people. Especially to Buu. A motherfucking leech. That's what I am... wonder why, I just can't care more? A little more love, a little less hate. Simple. But hard to do....... sometimes, it just seems like he's tagging around me because he has only Jayven, Kiki, and the new Vincent left to hang out with. Eddie, Eagle, Brian, etc. are all gone....... Other times, I wonder why he still bothers to. It's not like I'm really kind to him...kinda like Brian. I'm unattached to his conversations...our logic and thoughts go in separate directions..... Funny, how we used to bitch about someone. Ironic hypocrisy on my part... |
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Short And Simple
Friday, August 19, 2011
Short, quick post today. So tired, but I had fun talkin' to Karina (via Albert's account) late at night last night! XD hahahaha yeah.... gonna go xbox soon, just got home from a dead tiring week. #TGIF. lolololol. levitate le-levitate! So many things to do...but never enough time to do it. -sigh- |